3 Reasons Why You Feel Lonely in Your Marriage

Let’s take a closer look at some of the variables that can cause loneliness to creep into a marriage.

1. Fear of Your Spouse

If unfortunately, you are married to someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive, there’s no doubt that you are experiencing long bouts of loneliness. If you fear your spouse—their aggressive behavior and verbal beatings—you probably spend a great deal of time avoiding them or walking on eggshells to circumvent any type of conflict.

To further complicate matters, during the early years of your marriage, your partner may have isolated you from your family and/or friends, causing you to feel like you have no one to turn to.

If you want to read more on feeling lonely in an abusive relationship, check out the article The Loneliness of the Emotionally Abusive Relationship.[1] This is a very serious cause of being lonely in marriage and one that needs to be addressed. Living in terror is no way to live.

2. Frenetic Schedules

You and your partner may be like ships crossing in the night. Perhaps, one of you comes home after the other one is asleep or leaves before the other one is awake. If so, chances are you’re not going to connect much. This can cause you to lose touch with one another—to cease sharing all the little daily happenings. Eventually, this creates a rip in the fabric of your relationship that feels too big to patch.

 

Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It

Rossana is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She aspires to motivate, to inspire, and to awaken your best self! Read full profile

Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It

When you take the plunge, marry “the One”—your life partner—you might think you’re set for life, that you’ve married your best friend, right? “No more lonely nights” as the Paul McCartney song says. But sadly, that’s not necessarily so. Loneliness in marriage affects millions of couples around the globe. And this is where at least one partner, typically the woman, feels emotionally abandoned.

Marriage and loneliness don’t seem like two words that should go hand in hand. Yet, that’s often the case. Loneliness is real for many couples. At this point, you might be wondering why that’s the case—why you and/or your partner may be experiencing loneliness in your marriage—the marriage you imagined would be your safe haven.

Perhaps, the connection you once had has vanished or at least dimmed so much that it’s barely noticeable. Maybe, over the years, your communication has become openly argumentative and hostile. What started as constant little flare-ups, in time, evolved into major blow-ups. And to avoid those destructive interactions, you stop talking altogether.

Lack of emotional intimacy —which, in some cases, can lead to extra-marital affairs—is yet another reason why you might feel lonely in your marriage. Here’s a short video on preventing and surviving infidelity.

Also, you may feel unsupported by your spouse. During times of high duress, your partner may not show enough empathy for your feelings, compelling you to pull away and further cause a slow erosion of your emotional connection.

3 Reasons Why You Feel Lonely in Your Marriage

Let’s take a closer look at some of the variables that can cause loneliness to creep into a marriage.

1. Fear of Your Spouse

If unfortunately, you are married to someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive, there’s no doubt that you are experiencing long bouts of loneliness. If you fear your spouse—their aggressive behavior and verbal beatings—you probably spend a great deal of time avoiding them or walking on eggshells to circumvent any type of conflict.

To further complicate matters, during the early years of your marriage, your partner may have isolated you from your family and/or friends, causing you to feel like you have no one to turn to.

If you want to read more on feeling lonely in an abusive relationship, check out the article The Loneliness of the Emotionally Abusive Relationship.[1] This is a very serious cause of being lonely in marriage and one that needs to be addressed. Living in terror is no way to live.

2. Frenetic Schedules

You and your partner may be like ships crossing in the night. Perhaps, one of you comes home after the other one is asleep or leaves before the other one is awake. If so, chances are you’re not going to connect much. This can cause you to lose touch with one another—to cease sharing all the little daily happenings. Eventually, this creates a rip in the fabric of your relationship that feels too big to patch.ADVERTISING

According to 5 Hacks for Making It Work When You Have Opposite Shifts As Your Spouse by Drew Hendricks, incompatible schedules “can wreak havoc on your relationship, but only if you let it. In every relationship compromises are necessary, and this might be a big one. However, don’t let it come down to comparing which job is more “important” or “stressful” because nobody’s going to win. Every job is important, stressful, and has pros and cons.”[2]

When you prioritize your career and/or your children over your partner, the solidity of your relationship can become highly untenable. Of course, both careers and children need attention, but not at the risk of losing your marriage. There has to be a balance in all aspects of your life together.

Schedules need to be discussed, both around work and children (if you have them), keeping in mind the importance of what’s at stake—your marriage!

3. Lack of Emotional Support

Things happen! Unfortunate situations show up at your doorstep when you least expect them. At that time, you expect your partner to be there for you—to support and lift you up when you’re down. If time and again you don’t feel emotionally supported, that can—and usually does—create distance and loneliness in the relationship.

For example, let’s say your 90-year-old father dies. You’re devastated because you were very close. But your partner doesn’t say much, and when they do, it’s, “Well, he lived a long life. He’s in a better place.” You don’t want to hear common clichés. You want to feel like you have an anchor in your time of grief.

If that emotional support has been missing from your marriage and your partner has failed to consistently exhibit much compassion or empathy, you can clearly see how that would impair the relationship and germinate seeds of loneliness in your marriage.

In the article What If There Is No Emotional Support In A Relationship? by Lori Jean Glass, she mentions that “in meaningful relationships, emotional support is offered from both individuals and brings them closer to each other. It also helps you establish a foundation for your future together. Additionally, the practice of offering emotional support provides a foundation for being able to resolve conflict kindly, see your partner from a place of reality, and attach securely to one another.”[3]

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